“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can
grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn.
The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we
can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it.
Throw yourself.”
- C. JoyBell C
Here we go; round 2. Life lessons: they either hit you like a moving train, surprise you like the first blooms in Spring or creep up on you slowly as an unwanted realisation. And what we are to do, except either to accept and grow from the experience or shirk from the pain and be doomed to repeat the experience somewhere further down the line. This year has been a whirlwind of happiness and craziness, moments of euphoria and flashes of darkness. Here's what 2014 taught me...
1. You are not an island. Your actions affect others. Self-centred decisions may feel good in the moment, but are you prepared to deal with hurting those around you? And indecision is just as bad as making selfish ones. You are a pebble; when you make a decision, it has a ripple effect. How big are the waves that you are making?
2. It's OK to make selfish decisions; as long as you're prepared for the outcome. Sometimes we need to put ourselves first and not think how we affect others and just live our lives as we are meant to. You can't make everyone happy but you can make yourself to be. It's all about balance.
3. You cannot control what people will say or do to you, but you can control how you react to it. This one hit me like a brick to the face. No I cannot control how that one asshole treated me, but I can choose to let go of that resentment, cut ties and move on. This is not overreaction; this is healthy reaction. You do not choose to get hurt, but you do choose to hold onto that pain. I feel this is the perfect moment to channel my inner Disney princess and say... Let It Go!
4. Mixing business with pleasure: Now everyone is different, but boy did I learn the hard way not to get caught up in it. Messy. Chaos is unavoidable. Although I don't regret it, I'm not doing that ever again. It made for a good few awkward days together. As well as put my job at jeopardy.
5. Honesty truly is the best policy, although it can be harder than anything else in the world, . Omission is considered lying people. And you can hurt yourself and lose others in the process. Buddha once said: "Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon and the truth."
6. Mend fences. Call a truce. Don't burn bridges unless you really need to. We live in a very social society. I felt so much lighter after having sorted out all my people problems. That ex that I thought hated me? Well, in actual fact, he didn't. What unknowing relief. That girl talking about me behind my back? Yeah one small confrontation and we silently agreed to leave each other alone. So much unnecessary stagnant energy.
7. Sort out your daily life. Something I find particularly difficult as I live in my head, but by having a daily objective I feel clearer in my mind and so healthier in my soul. Ticking shit off my agenda makes me feel like I've accomplished something with my day; even if it's allocating time to just lying in bed and reading.
8. Mistakes do not need to define you. It's not a mistake if you learn from it. Experience is the best teacher. What better way to learn than to say, "OK I totally fucked up. Now I know better for next time." Grow from it! A bad deed does not make you a bad person.
9. YOLO has its place in the 21st century. Use it from time to time when you need that extra push to do something you would not otherwise have done. We live in a world of extremes.Sometimes you need to do something extreme in find the balance.
10.You are the cause; your actions define how you feel. There is no outside party that defines your happiness. Lightbulb moment I had one night during a bout of insomnia. Was interesting to reflect how much of my unhappiness I was blaming on others. Nope. Was all me.
11. The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. Just because you meant it one way and it went another, doesn't validate anything. The whole "that's not what I meant", "I didn't mean for it bla bla bla". It doesn't matter what you meant; what matters is what you did. The time old saying, "actions speak louder than words" is so under appreciated.
12. The Fuck Yes or No theory. I read this somewhere and found it profoundly liberating. In the past few weeks, I've been struggling with something that I think many people can relate to: mediocrity. I'm tired of having mediocre friendships, mediocre encounters and mediocre opinions. The idea behind this theory is that if someone doesn't respond with a 'Fuck Yes' attitude to your person, then they should be a 'No' in your life and, can honestly, fuck right off... You are too awesome to feel that someone just thinks you are average. Reversely, if you don't have a 'Fuck Yes' approach to a person or activity or whatever, then you shouldn't put anymore effort in either and move on your merry way. I found this really helpful actually, with letting go of people that I was trying to hard to hold onto. Worked.
13. People are going to disappoint you. The people around you have their own, separate, just as complicated lives. You're going to get hurt. Hold your head high and deal that feeling in a mature manner. There is no point in losing your shit because something didn't go the way you expected.
14. People change. Friendships strain, and unlikely ones become stronger. And that's OK! I'm the type of person that wants to keep everyone I hold dear, close to my heart. Not. Possible. Life happens and the ones that want to stay in your life, will. Stop trying so hard. A lot of people just aren't worth the effort if it's all one-sided. Better to maintain those friendships with people that truly care, and not the ones that have the potential to or used to; even if it's fewer people than you'd expect.
15. Not everyone is going to like you. And you're going to get rejected. Dust yourself off. Move on.
A lot of these points correlate and others cancel each other out. Sometimes I had to learn a lesson a few times this year. Other times I had to deal with someone in a completely different way. And that's OK. My relationships with people have taught me a lot about myself and a lot about others as well. It's hard living in a society where such a huge aspect of who you are, is connected to who you are with others.
I feel as if I'm in two halves: one half, a little bonsai tree that is beautiful and needs to be looked after; the other: the care taker of that tree, pruning it and making sure it grows in the correct way to allow it to flourish in its own little world. Maybe this is the connection between the soul and mind. Or maybe these are just ramblings of a mother fucking princess.
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through,
how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm
is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the
storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this
storm’s all about.”
- Haruki Murakami
