The Experiences of a Motherfucking Princess

“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.”

- C. JoyBell C

Here we go; round 2. Life lessons: they either hit you like a moving train, surprise you like the first blooms in Spring or creep up on you slowly as an unwanted realisation. And what we are to do, except either to accept and grow from the experience or shirk from the pain and be doomed to repeat the experience somewhere further down the line. This year has been a whirlwind of happiness and craziness, moments of euphoria and flashes of darkness. Here's what 2014 taught me...

1. You are not an island. Your actions affect others. Self-centred decisions may feel good in the moment, but are you prepared to deal with hurting those around you? And indecision is just as bad as making selfish ones. You are a pebble; when you make a decision, it has a ripple effect. How big are the waves that you are making?

2. It's OK to make selfish decisions; as long as you're prepared for the outcome. Sometimes we need to put ourselves first and not think how we affect others and just live our lives as we are meant to. You can't make everyone happy but you can make yourself to be. It's all about balance.

3. You cannot control what people will say or do to you, but you can control how you react to it. This one hit me like a brick to the face. No I cannot control how that one asshole treated me, but I can choose to let go of that resentment, cut ties and move on. This is not overreaction; this is healthy reaction. You do not choose to get hurt, but you do choose to hold onto that pain. I feel this is the perfect moment to channel my inner Disney princess and say... Let It Go!

4. Mixing business with pleasure: Now everyone is different, but boy did I learn the hard way not to get caught up in it. Messy. Chaos is unavoidable. Although I don't regret it, I'm not doing that ever again. It made for a good few awkward days together. As well as put my job at jeopardy.

5. Honesty truly is the best policy, although it can be harder than anything else in the world, . Omission is considered lying people. And you can hurt yourself and lose others in the process. Buddha once said: "Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon and the truth."

6. Mend fences. Call a truce. Don't burn bridges unless you really need to. We live in a very social society. I felt so much lighter after having sorted out all my people problems. That ex that I thought hated me? Well, in actual fact, he didn't. What unknowing relief. That girl talking about me behind my back? Yeah one small confrontation and we silently agreed to leave each other alone. So much unnecessary stagnant energy.

7. Sort out your daily life. Something I find particularly difficult as I live in my head, but by having a daily objective I feel clearer in my mind and so healthier in my soul. Ticking shit off my agenda makes me feel like I've accomplished something with my day; even if it's allocating time to just lying in bed and reading.

8. Mistakes do not need to define you. It's not a mistake if you learn from it. Experience is the best teacher. What better way to learn than to say, "OK I totally fucked up. Now I know better for next time." Grow from it! A bad deed does not make you a bad person.

9. YOLO has its place in the 21st century. Use it from time to time when you need that extra push to do something you would not otherwise have done. We live in a world of extremes.Sometimes you need to do something extreme in find the balance.

10.You are the cause; your actions define how you feel. There is no outside party that defines your happiness. Lightbulb moment I had one night during a bout of insomnia. Was interesting to reflect how much of my unhappiness I was blaming on others. Nope. Was all me. 

11. The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. Just because you meant it one way and it went another, doesn't validate anything. The whole "that's not what I meant", "I didn't mean for it bla bla bla". It doesn't matter what you meant; what matters is what you did. The time old saying, "actions speak louder than words" is so under appreciated.

12. The Fuck Yes or No theory. I read this somewhere and found it profoundly liberating. In the past few weeks, I've been struggling with something that I think many people can relate to: mediocrity. I'm tired of having mediocre friendships, mediocre encounters and mediocre opinions. The idea behind this theory is that if someone doesn't respond with a 'Fuck Yes' attitude to your person, then they should be a 'No' in your life and, can honestly, fuck right off... You are too awesome to feel that someone just thinks you are average. Reversely, if you don't have a 'Fuck Yes' approach to a person or activity or whatever, then you shouldn't put anymore effort in either and move on your merry way. I found this really helpful actually, with letting go of people that I was trying to hard to hold onto. Worked.

13. People are going to disappoint you. The people around you have their own, separate, just as complicated lives. You're going to get hurt. Hold your head high and deal that feeling in a mature manner. There is no point in losing your shit because something didn't go the way you expected.

14. People change. Friendships strain, and unlikely ones become stronger. And that's OK! I'm the type of person that wants to keep everyone I hold dear, close to my heart. Not. Possible. Life happens and the ones that want to stay in your life, will. Stop trying so hard. A lot of people just aren't worth the effort if it's all one-sided. Better to maintain those friendships with people that truly care, and not the ones that have the potential to or used to; even if it's fewer people than you'd expect.

15. Not everyone is going to like you. And you're going to get rejected. Dust yourself off. Move on.

A lot of these points correlate and others cancel each other out. Sometimes I had to learn a lesson a few times this year. Other times I had to deal with someone in a completely different way. And that's OK. My relationships with people have taught me a lot about myself and a lot about others as well. It's hard living in a society where such a huge aspect of who you are, is connected to who you are with others.

I feel as if I'm in two halves: one half, a little bonsai tree that is beautiful and needs to be looked after; the other: the care taker of that tree, pruning it and making sure it grows in the correct way to allow it to flourish in its own little world. Maybe this is the connection between the soul and mind. Or maybe these are just ramblings of a mother fucking princess.

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

- Haruki Murakami

What 2013 Taught Me

Open your eyes, look within.

Are you satisfied with the life you're living?

Bob Marley

Without a doubt, 2013 was the craziest and most memorable year of my young life so far. I have cherished and regretted, broken hearts and had mine broken, travelled to 25 amazing cities and lived in 2 different countries.
I've never really believed that people can change, no matter how much I wanted to, but I think that when so many experiences happen in such a short amount of time, one can alter their views of themselves and on life. Here's what 2013 taught me:

1. You have to be true to yourself. People are always going to get hurt by our choices. You will be hurt by theirs. Such is life! Everyone has their own path to take and if we are not true to what we want then we damage ourselves far more in the end.

2. Regrets are sometimes a good thing. Without the little ones, how do we know what it is we truly want. There is nothing worse than being stuck between two decisions you're going to regret either way. Choose the one that will hurt the least and deal with the consequences.

3. If you don't constantly challenge yourself, your life becomes complacent and can be detrimental to your happiness. Take that first holiday alone in a foreign country, read that book that looks too hard to understand, learn that language that interests you.

4. We always say that we have time; we'll do it in the future. I'll go on that road trip next year. I'll start that course in the new term. I'll tell him I love him next time I see him. Well, friends, family and strangers, I say fuck the future! Do it now. Challenge yourself now. Be happy now!

5. The people that want to be in your life make that little bit extra effort to be in it. Those friends that send you Christmas cards when you live so far away, the friends that want to skype you to see how you are, the ones who visit you when you're home for a short time. Friendships that are worth having are worth maintaining. I love the people I have in my life. I'm grateful for them every day. I started living by this little saying this year; quality life means quality people.

6. It's okay to be a little bit selfish. This year I stopped putting my needs and wants second to everyone else. It's all about balance. Don't forget that you are important too. Some people sacrifice so much to give to those that are less than grateful. When do you draw the line and say that enough is enough?

7. If you don't do what makes you happy, what's the point of your life. I found my pure joy in travelling. I decided to make it happen. I wish people would just grab the bull by its horns and do what they want in life! If not now, when?

8. Have goals. Without them, we lose our sense of purpose. With no direction, how are we to know what we have accomplished? Ambition and determination drives us to make our dreams a reality.

9. Don't let society judge you. We all have this preconceived idea of what we're meant to think, meant to look like, meant to wear, meant to be. Stop it! Just stop it. Be a little weird. Wear those crazy orange pants. Get that tattoo. Listen to that music. Whatever you want to do that makes you happy, just do it! Dance in the middle of the street. Talk randomly to a stranger. Just be yourself. It makes life way more interesting.

10. Lastly, and this took me a while to figure out, and I'm talking to you. YOU. The person who took the time to read this to the very end about the ramblings of a random someone somewhere on this earth, whether you happen to know me or not. You are constantly growing; evolving to become the best version of yourself every day. With every good and bad decision you make. Every trial and tribulation. Love yourself. If we do not love ourselves, this trippy ride we call life isn't as cracked up as it's meant to be.

To 2014! And all its new adventures...